Why women cheat. We are always going on about lying, cheating men when in reality women are just as likely to fall into the lying and cheating category as men. It’s a debate that has been raging forever and many have done research on the subject. I recently read the outcome of one of these and it got me wondering.
I’ve always believed that only two types of people cheat – the naughty or the needy. Every possible excuse you can come up with for cheating can fall neatly into one of those categories.
Cheating is always a choice. Nobody forces you to enter into an illicit relationship. You can always walk away from the temptation – ALWAYS. Trouble is we very seldom want to. You can try to justify your actions. You can blame everything and everyone else but in those dark moments before the sun rises, you know that only you are responsible for your choices.
There are hundreds of sites dedicated to those who want to step out of their relationship. Ashley Madison is probably one of the biggest and they unashamedly promote illicit affairs.
Why we choose to cheat is a complicated question. Let’s start with what you consider cheating? We tend to think that it is a physical thing but I think it is so much more. It can be physical, mental or emotional.
It is alleged that 57% of women feel an emotional connection with the person they are having an affair with, whilst only 27% of men. I would have liked to see the control question because ‘what the hell is an emotional connection?’
It is further alleged by the study that women are looking for this ‘emotional connection’ when they decide to cheat. Again what is the definition because my definition of an emotional connection may be very different to yours.
But let’s get back to the question at hand. Why do women cheat?
The study I read was patronizing but I’m going to share their conclusions with you anyway. You can make up your own mind.
Women it is alleged have unrealistic expectations of their partners. I suppose this comes from watching too many romantic comedies. My immediate bitch biting thought process thinks ‘Oh just like men who think that sex is like what they have in porn movies.’
Next is the spark is gone from the primary relationship. This is one reason I will buy into. We all know that initial rush of emotions, excitement and hormones at the start of a relationship. We also know that sadly this wears off after about 6 months and when it does some of us want to chase that feeling again and again. This is why illicit relationships just feel so good. It’s the body’s pharmacy dispensing amazing feel good cocktails. And who doesn’t love that feeling?
They also alleged that women cheat because they are unhappy in their primary relationship. Yes they may, but being unhappy is not always a reason. Many unhappy women just remain unhappy and never step out or they leave, permanently. Some do cheat, but I’ve known a couple of women who were not unhappy at all and still decided to step out. I think it might have something to do with the personal pharmacy.
One reason I really do understand is revenge. Do you remember that song ‘Anything you can do, I can do better!’ I’m not saying its the best way to get your own back but it helps! If your relationship has reached this stage you might need to take a long hard look at your relationship and make some better decisions.
The article I read also listed lack of female social support and low self esteem as reasons women cheat. How pathetic does the researcher think women really are? I believe we have far more grit than that. Ego may have a huge part to play in cheating but I don’t necessarily believe that it is low self esteem.
And then there is – women are not attracted to their partner anymore. Yes, men and women cheat because they are no longer attracted to their partner anymore. When the relationship is sexless and seems like a continuous uphill battle and you cannot be bothered anymore. Why in these circumstances would you not want to find someone that can ignite a spark again? Who doesn’t want to feel sexy and desired? This is when your relationship is in the most danger because this is when men and women start looking.
I think relationships can be simple. Men want to feel desired and women want to be gorgeous and if you can no longer do this for your partner then what have you got left. Cheating is one way to go but here is one thing I know for sure. It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. The betrayal of cheating is devastating and very few relationships survive it.
So if you are questioning whether you should or you shouldn’t ask yourself this, do I love my partner enough not to? If not then it’s time to once again rethink your decisions.
So why do women cheat?
Naughty or needy I think it comes down to this, women cheat because they can! Just like men!