Virginity – The first time.

Virginity – The first time.

Virginity the first time

Don’t let your first time be – wham, bang, thank you ma’am.

Virginity The first time! Don’t let it be bad.

When I was growing up there were a couple of songs that left a lasting impression and I often wonder if they left their indelible mark on my psyche and have influenced who I am and what I do today?

Remember Rodriques? I wonder? I wonder how many times you’ve had sex … and the sniggers that accompanied it. What about that Peter Starstedt song, Take off your clothes!- the line I’m referring to is “the first time is always the best, ask your Mother!”

I can also no longer remember how many times I’ve had sex but I can tell you that the first time, whilst very special in my case, was by no means the best! Which brings me to this week’s topic – The First Time.

Here I am going to go out on a limb and ask you to get your children to read this column today. Okay scan it first and then get them to read it! I also know that there is going to be an uproar about this subject but as you know by now I’m the fearless teller of necessary truths and its okay if you don’t agree with me.

So many children these days are sexual and pressured to be so at an extremely early age. It is alleged that children are having their first sexual experience in one way or the other by the age of 9. Take pause and think about that number for a second. I for one am horrified! Children should be climbing trees at that age and not thinking about actually having sex. But it’s happening and we should try to educate our children about sex so that they can make informed decisions.

Every single day I meet adults with sexual damage caused in part because of the way they were raised and that first experience.  The first time will have a lasting influence and affect on your future relations, so don’t go into it lightly.

My first happened at University with a school boyfriend I had been dating for about 3 years. We had had our share of heavy petting and manually stimulated orgasms. We’d had over a year of one of us saying “Let’s” and the other saying “No”. Then we made a mutual decision that it was time.

I took myself off to the doctor for contraceptives. In those days the doctor was obliged to notify my parents, but he didn’t. We waited the mandatory period for them to work and then one evening it was all systems go.

And it was great!

It was caring and sexy. We talked and expressed our fears. I was afraid it would be painful. I had read enough to scare the living daylights out of me. I knew what an orgasm felt like so I knew what I was attempting to achieve.

For him the fears were the usual suspects, that his penis would not cooperate or last the distance. It was sweet, mind blowing, not so much.

I think that my first time made my attitude to sex beautiful and fulfilling and believe me I know how incredibly blessed I am.

I know many more people who weren’t ready. Who felt that they had to have sex because they had to prove they ‘loved’ their boyfriend because he threatened to ‘get it’ somewhere else. Even more were raped as a first experience. These women unless they have extensive therapy and help will be damaged forever. If you can choose your first experience make sure it’s great because the stakes are very high if you don’t.

I believe we start helping our children make the best sexual decisions by getting our children to think about sex in a different way. Not dirty or forbidden, but something beautiful and sacred. Something to only be shared when they meet the right person. I want our children to understand the difference between love and lust. To understand the human body is built for pleasure and that that pleasure needs to be understood and experienced on their own before they go out and share it with inappropriate partners.

If we taught our daughters that their body will react to touching and that there is immense pleasure between their legs and that both have absolutely nothing to do the boy they have a crush on, that is nothing more than biology. Then maybe when he puts his hand in her lap and it feels great she will know exactly what is going on – that it is biology and not love. So when he says “Can I put it in just a little”, she can make an informed decision and will hopefully say no, until she is completely ready.

And when he says “If you loved me you would” she will snap back with “If you loved me, you would wait until I’m ready”. If he threatens to leave her, then let her call him a taxi to take him away.

The first time should be a choice made when you are 100% ready and sure that you want to and then make sure that you put safety first. It doesn’t matter if you think they are a virgin, use a condom!

Sex the first time shouldn’t hurt, it may feel different but it should not be painful if you are well lubricated. You might bleed a little, less than a half a teaspoon but in today’s day and age it is highly likely you won’t especially is you have played active sport, ridden a bike or a horse.

Take your time and remember your body is not a democracy. No is No, and if you are not respected send the partner packing. Sex should always be a pleasure, never a duty. Own your own body – always.

If you are in doubt whether you should or you shouldn’t, err on the side of caution and don’t. The damage you will do if you are not ready and rush it into is irreversible. It is lifelong and can be avoided.

For your first time story please email me

To purchase your first toy, don’t forget to visit our store situated in Sandton or shop online

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