It’s a Gift
This may come as a surprise but oral sex is a gift, not an obligation and as with any gift, if you don’t enjoy giving it, the value is greatly diminished. So either reconsider or learn some techniques that will make it pleasurable.
Since it is a gift, you are the one making the choices. You are not obligated to do any particular technique or to allow him to use you as an object.
Some men grab onto a woman’s head during oral sex and start thrusting. If you don’t like something he’s doing, let him know and move on to something else. This is your gift.
The Goddess is in Charge
Part of what really turns a man on about oral sex is that he is giving up control to someone else. A large part of the sexual experience is that exchange of power. When it comes to sex, women don’t often realise it but they have an enormous amount of power.
So, as you perform oral sex make sure that he knows that you are in charge of the process, that you are confident in your ability to bring him to orgasm on your terms and your timing, and that he can trust you to give him a better orgasm than he’s ever had before.
Men Are Visual Creatures
Men love to look. They process a lot of their information directly through their eyes. So, if you want to give your partner a super experience, provide visuals for him. Look him in the eye and use your face to convey your enjoyment of what you are doing and the way he’s responding. The look you’re aiming for is the same as when you spot the best pair of shoes you have ever seen.
Position yourself so that he gets a good look at you, particularly the areas he’s attracted to, such as the breasts.
Recreating the Vagina
When you are giving a blow job you are creating the sensation of being inside a vagina—without actually using a vagina so pressure and wetness are important.
Ideally, vaginas fit snugly around the penis. This translates into the sensations of friction (rubbing) and pressure. So you want to match the sensation with your hands or lips and tongue.
An aroused vagina is wet. Using lubricant on your hands is an essensual. Spit will work but it’s just not sexy!
Communication Is Key
When you are giving a hand or blow job, it’s paramount that you maintain communication with your partner so that you can find out what works and what doesn’t in arousing him and controlling the pace of the orgasm.
Men focus on the experience, rather than the techniques. The best place to have him is at that point when he doesn’t know whether he wants to watch or close his eyes and feel.
Chances are that afterwards, he won’t remember exactly what happened, how it happened, or when. You’ll need to keep track of that, so that you can continue to improve your technique.
Methods of communication that you can use:
Eye contact – One of the secrets to great oral sex is making eye contact with your lover. When you look at him, you can gauge his responses better. This will help you learn what works and what doesn’t.
By looking at him, you can communicate your enjoyment in pleasing him. He needs to know that you like pleasuring him. It helps to establish your control over the situation.
Facial Expression – Along with eye contact, use your face to show how much you are enjoying yourself. Imagine yourself a film actress and that you are a giving a close-up just for him.
Body Language – Your body can express a lot just in the way you are sitting or moving. If you lean towards him, you’ll convey your desire to be closer to him. If you move back, you can signal your desire to slow down.
Your hands can speak, with the way they touch him. But don’t think you are limited to hands. You have arms, feet, legs, and torso to work with. Be imaginative.
Verbalization – Finally, there is verbalization. Words, talking, even moans or grunts can convey much of what you are feeling.
Ask him questions. Ask if he likes what you’re doing. Ask him if he wants more. Ask him to tease you or stimulate you back. Tell him what to do. Use your voice to control him.
Tease him by telling him what you are planning to do. Don’t be afraid to talk dirty to him. A lot of men love that. Praise him, especially his penis. Express your amazement at its size, power, hardness.
Listen for the ‘dolphin’ – the high pitched double squeak. It usually means NO! You’re in the wrong place.
Lubricant, Lubricant and did I mention lubricant! Lubrication makes everything easier. The more moisture you have around, the easier it is to slide your hands over the penis, or to move the penis into your mouth.
When you become sexually aroused, you’ll produce a wetness that is the perfect natural lubricant. The trouble, you can’t always produce it on demand.
Another natural lubricant is saliva but as I’ve said before – spitting in your hand is just not sexy! Keep trying to salivate all night and you’ll end up dehydrated so just get yourself a good lube.
Try a flavoured lube from Intimate Organics or a Montez Play Water Based Lubricant.
Next time – Oral sex techniques.