Rev up sex life before straying
Couples who play together – Stay together.
I’ve often wondered what it is that keeps couples together and I’m not talking about those couples who stay together ‘for the children’ or because they cannot afford to get divorced. I’m talking about hose couples who beam and giggle and appreciate each other. I’ve watched those happy couples and here is one thing that I have noticed – they play together.
An outsider can see the electricity between them and more important – the intimacy between them. Emotional intimacy, commitment, trust and meaningful communication seems to encourage and enhance their sense of fun.
I’ve also noticed that each part of the pair is independent and confident. They both have equal power in the relationship. They can drift apart at a function and then come back together and there is never any doubt that they are there together. They rev up sex.
I have no doubt that they can both spend time alone. Solitude gives us the space we need for reflection and growth. It gives us a place to think about how things are and what part we play in them. Respecting your partner’s alone time requires trust.
And then you have to spend time together and I don’t mean in the same room distracted and self absorbed. Set aside at least 20 minutes a day to connect and date night once a week. This is the time when neither of you look at your phone, email, messages, whatsapp, Facebook or Twitter. Sometimes I think we are more intimate with our gadgets than we are with our partners. I don’t remember the last time I was in a restaurant when one or both of the couples I have watched have not been busy on their phone and ignoring their beautiful partner with them at the table. You will not die if you don’t look at your phone for an hour or two!
Compliment your partner. I read an alleged quote by Brad Pitt, he was talking about his relationship with Angelina Jolie. He said that she was getting really thin, was slipping into depression and a couple of other things I cannot remember and he didn’t know how to fix it. Then he remembered that he was married to the most beautiful woman in the world and he needed to remind her. So he started buying her flowers, telling her how beautiful she is, what a great mum, what a fantastically sexy wife and he took every opportunity to speak about her to everybody about how great she is. And she responded positively.
I think relationships can be really easy – Men want to be desired and women want to be gorgeous. Just imagine the fun we could have with our partner if this is how they made us feel. Just remember that words alone don’t count – it’s the way you say it and the things you do to support the words that count too.
Make an effort. Stay connected during the day. Now you are allowed to play with your trusty smart phone. Send a message – photo – quote, anything that will indicate that you may be up for it. Buy a sexy pair of panties, a new toy from Lola Montez. Book a couples evening to learn a new trick or two.
Learn to give and receive love. We are usually very good at giving and very bad at receiving. I’m told that it has something to do with self esteem. Intimacy begins with being comfortable with who you are. If you are too afraid to reveal the true you, you will never feel safe enough to discuss your desires or fears never mind sharing and playing out fantasies. If you are too afraid to share the vulnerable bits you will never be able to play together.
Don’t ever make fun of or humiliate your partner. NOT EVER. The damage you will do to your relationship will be irrepairable. Before you play you need to know you are safe and that your partner is going to laugh with you not at you.
Be silly together. When last did you dance in the rain? Lie on the lawn and look at the clouds or the stars? Picnic in the middle of the lounge with no TV? Have sex in the Kitchen or on the bathroom floor? Send the children to friends for a couple of hours so you can have slow afternoon sex? Well now is the time.
With the holidays coming up may this month be a rebirth and a commitment to more fun because we all know that couples who play together – stay together!
So rev up sex before straying