Recession proof your marriage.

Recession proof your marriage.

Money’s too tight to mention so you have to recession proof your marriage!

There is nothing sexy about feeling poor. It affects your self esteem, self respect and above all impacts on our relationships. You’ve heard the saying, when money troubles walk in the front door, love walks out the back! By the sounds of it the economy is very far from recovering.

I consider myself as more wealthy than most and let me tell you I’m biting the bullet big time. Now it doesn’t matter if you are worrying about finding R10 or R1million, the stress levels are the same, it is just the zeros that are different.

My stress levels and discontentment increases the minute I check my Facebook News Feed and see what my contemporaries are up to. At the moment it seems as if everyone is on holiday in either Greece or Croatia. I lie awake at night wondering how I got it all wrong. Here I am at home perving about other people’s lives. To calm myself I try to be grateful for what I do have and then I think about sex.

What does feeling poor have to do with sex? Everything! So its important to recession proof your relationship.

When I’m feeling like a failure the very last thing I feel like doing is having sex or pleasing my partner. I want to blame someone and more often than not he is the closest person to me. I hate not being able to pay the bills, it’s a passion killer.

So this week I want to find out ways to have inexpensive or free dates. How can couples have fun when the money is too tight to mention. Now this can be quite difficult especially if one of you is grumpy and thinks it is childish and rolls their eyes at the suggestion. So explain that they can participate or there will be no sex on the menu for a while. You will have your partner’s full attention.

I’m hoping that you too will participate, not in a threesome sort of way but help me identify fun, sex and inexpensive things to do.

There are two different locations for these activities: Stay at home or go out.

At home you will not be required to dress up but may I suggest that you do. It will make you feel better. Add sexy underwear and if you don’t have any choose the best of the worst, no period panties allowed. Add a splash of perfume, red lipstick and you’re away. Guys, a heads up, we love it when you smell delicious and at this stage I might even buy into red lipstick.

Today the Boks are playing Scotland, in rugby for those of you who may be unaware and living in an alternative universe. I have invited some friends over to watch the game. Every time the Boks play we theme the meal and drinks. So today we are cooking Scottish food and drinking Scotch. I want to cook Haggis and then when everyone is here recite ‘Ode to the Haggis’ by Robert Burns. Not sure anyone will eat it so we will have loads of deep fried everything else.

My partner will wear a kilt and I will wear tartan lingerie. Should be fun!

We have undertaken to cook together before our friends arrive. Fortunately they don’t have high culinary expectations. We do have a back up plan if it all goes horribly wrong. I can guarantee that there is going to be much laughter which makes us extremely amorous.

Now that the weather is warming up, if you have a tent, pitch it in the garden and have a sleep out. If you don’t, grab a blanket and put it out where you can see the stars. Snuggle up and see if you can identify the constellations or just make it up. The same goes for cloud watching during the day. Be naked if you can.

Go online and learn some basic massage skills. Practice on each other, but make it an event not an afterthought. We really like it when it looks like you’ve taken the trouble, the outcome barely matters after that. Put out clean towels, great music, lemon infused water, a scented candle or six and some massage oil. If you don’t have money for candles or oil, no fear, use olive oil from your kitchen and drip some vanilla essence on a warm light bulb.

Practice your skills on each other.If you feel like getting messy use honey or chocolate and end the massage off with a good licking.

If you want to go out but don’t have money to spend, find a farmer’s market and wonder around. There are usually plenty or samples to try or taste. Make this an event too. Close your eyes and feed each other. Chat about what you liked and what you didn’t. Try something new and listen, you will learn something new and it will give you great gift ideas for later.

I love book shops, so when I’m really down and broke we go to the closest store to my home. Before we go I write out inspirational or naughty notes. We then place them in the books we are keen on. Nobody seems to mind and I get a hell of a kick out of it, which makes me want to have even more fun when I get home.

When last did you, if ever, go to an art gallery? There are a couple around and entry is free. Do a bit of research before you go, then impress each other and those standing in close proximity with your artistic eye. The more outrageous the better, I always see vaginas and comment on the artists sexual frustration.

Laughter is food for the soul and your sex life is guaranteed to benefit and its a great way to recession proof your relationship.

Instead of spending money on a movie or a meal spend it on something that will last more than a couple of hours. A good lubricant or sex toy will give you months of pleasure.

This investment will stand you in better stead than anything else you could have done. Using it and having fun will get you to increase intimacy, laugh and may even lead to great sex which as we know releases all the happy hormones. Which in turn will help you place all your concerns about unpaid bills on hold for a while. It may just save your marriage from becoming another economic statistic.

I need new ideas for inexpensive date night so please share, Sharon@lolamontez.co.za

 

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