Premature Ejaculation concerns discussed.
Premature ejaculation is one of the questions that I got asked after last week’s column on Erectile Dysfunction was another of those scary things for men – Premature Ejaculation, PE.
Think about it, he gets the erection, approaches her seductively and the ‘Oops, I’m sorry!’ Leaving her wondering, ‘What the hell just happened?’ Not to mention frustrated.
Now if this does happen to you, here’s a heads up, make light of it, have a laugh and get back to the business at hand – her pleasure. You are so much more than your penis. The hand, mouth and your ever faithful vibrator wing man can take the pressure off and get you out of the proverbial sticky situation.
But let’s start at the beginning. What is PE and I don’t mean Port Elizabeth? PE is considered to be uncontrolled ejaculation either before or very shortly after sexual penetration, with minimal stimulation. By shortly after I mean ejaculation in less than a minute and not an hour.
PE can be a regular and lifelong problem or it can happen now and then. If you fall into the second category it is not really a problem and can be dealt with as it happens. If however it is a regular occurrence then the problem is a bit more difficult to deal with.
The causes for PE are not completely understood but there seems to be a general consensus that the cause is almost always psychological as a result of sexual conditioning. The chances are that you grew up in a VERY conservative home where masturbation was forbidden and discouraged. You were probably made to feel shame and guilt if you were caught. If you did masturbate you probably had to do it really quickly before someone walked in on you. Your body has been patterned to orgasm really quickly.
In some cases PE may be related to a medical cause such as hormonal problems, injury or the side effects of a prescription medication. Always read the enclosed pamphlet in the medication you have been prescribed.
I’m not sure that you will need a doctor to diagnose PE as I am sure you and your partner know if you are having an orgasm and ejaculating too quickly. The good news is that you can overcome PE but it requires a great deal of practice.
There are two techniques you can use. Both techniques can be practiced with or without your partner. You do need to enlist your partner’s help. I promise she will be more than eager to help.
The first technique is ‘The Stop Start Method’ and the second, ‘The Squeeze Technique’.
The stop start method is exactly that – you stop and start. The technique involves stimulating the penis and then stopping just before you feel that you are about to ejaculate. Stop for about 30 to 60 seconds, breathe and then start again when you have regained control. Repeat this process 4 or 5 times before you allow yourself to ejaculate. Use the rest period to focus on other sources of pleasure, especially for your partner. When you are both ready, let it happen.
The squeeze technique works by squeezing the penis in the area between the shaft and the glans. Squeeze the penis for about 30 seconds, just before you feel that you are about to ejaculate. Repeat this process 4 to 5 times. The biggest problem with this technique is that you may lose your erection during the process. For this method to be effective you will be required to use it for several months. It requires persistence and perseverance.
Apart from these two techniques there are a couple of other tricks you can use. When you feel yourself getting too excited, think about something else. Many men do math or think about something boring. Think about anything that you do not find sexually pleasurable.
Use thick condoms, they help decrease sensitivity. There are also creams, gels and sprays that can be applied to the penis to help delay ejaculation. They work because they reduce sensitivity. They can contain Lidocaine so be careful with having oral sex once it has been applied.
There is also prescription medication that can help but you will have to see your doctor to have access to these.
PE is very treatable, whether you see a doctor or tackle it with your partner. The first step as with any condition is to admit that you have a problem and that it affects your relationship.
While you are practicing your delay techniques remember that there are many techniques you can use that don’t involve the penis that will keep your partner glowing and happy.
If you have successfully conquered your PE issues, or have tips to share, I would love to hear from you, firstname.lastname@example.org