I promised you that this week would be more light hearted and let’s face it when you really analyse it, sex is funny. There’s a bit of pushing and shoving that goes on, some strange noises and then its all over. This is the action that gets us all in a tizz!
Some of us want more, some less but the thing that many of us battle with is asking for or initiating sex. Most men I’ve met say that they would love it if their partner would initiate sex more often. They feel that they are doing all the work and they’re tired of it.
Here’s the problem. Men want women to initiate sex and women think that if they do, he will think that she is a slut. Can you see how this goes pear shaped really quickly?
So this week I’m talking about how to initiate sex, no matter who you are. Let me just say that if he thinks less of you because you initiate sex, send him to me so I can give him an AAK (Attitude Adjustment Klap!)
I think that technology has become the greatest wing man in the area of relationships, foreplay and flirting. A naughty picture or phrase sent at the appropriate time can make the world of difference.
I have to warn that timing is everything. You know what it’s like to get amorous advances when your children’s homework is due and you’re worrying about how you are going to get that huge project completed on time and your mother is on the phone and just when you think you are actually going to stab someone with a butter knife – he shows you his penis.
We also know how awful rejection feels. So I say again – Timing is everything.
Back to tips on how to initiate sex.
You can develop a secret code, so he knows without you having to say a word. If you have ever shared an apartment you will know the tie over the doorknob trick. You are looking for something like that. Maybe it’s wearing a push up bra or placing a G String in his jacket pocket before he goes to work. It could be a special meal – Baked Beans on toast maybe. Something that irrefutably says – It’s on!
You could be old school and write a note. Sometimes it’s easier to express yourself in writing rather than having to say it out aloud. You could text and if you cannot find the words, send a picture of the bra or G String and if you’re brave enough (and only if you trust him) something naughtier.
When it comes to sex, being in the mood is half the battle. So if you think it’s time to treat him, get yourself in the mood. Try a bit of erotica, a minute or six of porn or read a sexy story and then get busy.
We all love to be touched and not necessarily on our genitals. We all have those unexpected erotic areas that when touched drives us wild. It may be the back of the neck, the ear lobe, the back of the elbow or inside the wrist. Kiss that.
Snuggle up and let your hands do the talking. Just make sure that your hands aren’t so cold that the jewels disappear.
One of the best tricks is to change the timing. If you are usually a before bed time on a Thursday couple then how about Saturday afternoon, before the game, in the bathroom, will blow his mind.
Do you remember the last time you had great, wild sex? Was it on holiday in Ballito or the weekend the children went to their Grandparents? It’s a great way to initiate sex. A reminder – Do you remember our holiday in Ballito? I think we need to up the stakes.
You could always just ask or tell. ‘I want to have sex tonight’ will work. You can also go shopping at Lola Montez. Buy a toy and have it delivered to his office with a note that says, ‘Play Date tonight!’ He’ll be home earlier than you can imagine.
Nothing goes further than a genuine compliment. You look delicious in that tie or your ass looks great in those jeans. There is a wonderful line from a Janet Evanovich novel. ‘Nice dress, take it off!’
Article first appeared in the SATURDAY STAR