What you can learn from another COCK in the Room?

What you can learn from another COCK in the Room?

What can you learn from another cock in the room? All things being equal when you read this I will be in London, speaking at Sexpo UK. I’m so excited about this opportunity having spoken at Sexpo SA for years. It is going to be extremely interesting to compare audiences.

The topic I am meant to speak about is ‘What we can learn about sex from gay men?’ Being neither male nor gay I’m not sure I’m qualified so research was required and undertaken. Fortunately I know a couple of gay men who are not too shy to speak and share.

Many of us have the view that gay men get more ass than the average toilet seat, that the gay community is far more promiscuous than their straight counterparts and I wanted to know how true this was, so I asked.

And guess what, there was no straight answer!

The first man I chatted to considers himself as libido driven. He was always enjoyed sex and has been known to pop out for a quickie at lunch time. He makes use of several apps for his next encounter and yet is looking for a meaningful, long term relationship.

He thinks the biggest difference between a gay sex and straight sex is that when two men are involved they are more driven by the here and now. They are capable of sex for pleasure without having to explore connections, emotions and consequences. It’s a case of you meet up. Like each other and find a bathroom. Sex like a Koala bear definition – Eats shoots and leaves.

Sound like a fantasy for many men and women.

Another man I spoke to disagrees vehemently. He says that he could never have such casual sex. For him there has to be a connection and emotion.

So I guess there is no consensus although many more men I spoke to supported and confirmed the earlier version.

I was also told that gay men are not as conservative about sex as their straight counterparts. It might have something to do that being gay has already shattered some taboos. I was told gay men are not afraid to use sex toys. How excited am I!

During heterosexual play, men are often intimidated by the use of toys. So why this difference? I loved the answer. ‘You already have another cock in the room, so your ego is already over what you think a toy is going to compete with.’

Many couples I spoke to admitted that sex wasn’t always a quickie in their relationship. Sometimes it requires more intimacy. One man likened it to take away versus a three course meal. Both have their place, somehow it’s easier for gay men to admit it and talk about it.

I asked the male friends of gay men what they thought they had learned from their gay friends. They were unanimous in saying that their gay friends were far better groomed, had high social skills and made the best wing men. Why is that? I think that gay men have a level of confidence that straight men don’t.

Again they have already broken societies version of normal by coming out. They might care deeply about what people think of them but they have a ‘dare me’ attitude. They operate as if they having nothing to lose and your opinion is neither wanted, or considered. How liberating! 

And why do gay men have such good female friends? So asked the men and their female friends. Let’s deal with what the friends said first.

They feel safe! They know that the penis is off the table. That it is not a threat and no matter what happens during the evening they do not have to deal with it in any way or form. These ladies can be whoever they are. They do not have to impress, it’s no holds barred.

They also said that their gay friends were best friends because they listened and if they needed advise they could give input from a male’s perspective. They felt that gay men ‘got’ them and that straight men didn’t.

Gay men believe that they relate to each other easier because their interests are often similar. You know – boy things!

Women believe that straight men may act as if they are interested, but they may as well have a conversation bubble coming out of their head with a caption; ‘Nice tits, wonder if I’m getting lucky tonight?’ 

In a gay relationship the domestic arrangements and chores are divided depending on preferences not on gender – so if you like to cook, you cook. If neither of them like to cook, roles are negotiated.

But back to sex.

Here is something the common garden variety of heterosexual doesn’t know. Not all gay men have anal sex and I’m not sure why not. Prostate stimulation is alleged to be extremely pleasurable. Maybe it’s for the same reason many women don’t have anal sex – it can hurt! (but this a is subject for another day.

So if anal sex isn’t on the cards what sex are gay men having? They are having oral sex, intercrural sex (with lubricant rubbing the penis between the thighs), frottage (dry humping, for want of a better description) and hand jobs. There is no pressure on partners having to orgasm at the same time or at all.

All very good advice.

If you have anything to add, please comment or email me on Sharon@lolamontez.co.za

Follow by Email
YouTube
YouTube
Instagram