Problems women experience after childbirth/operations such as hysterectomy.
Question:
I had my first baby 4 months ago and find I am just not interested in making love with my husband? Help please!
Answer:
You obviously sound distressed by this but let me assure you, you are not alone.
Statistics show that 83% of women have problems with sex after childbirth, that at 6 months, 89% of women have resumed sex but that 64% still have problems.
These problems can be physical, psychological or a combination of the two.
You must realize that your body has undergone some enormous changes.
Physically, there may still be some discomfort from the episiotomy or Caesarian section. A lot of the time there is the fear that intercourse may cause pain even if there has been complete healing.
I would suggest that you talk to your husband about your fears and perhaps use a lot of lubrication and foreplay before attempting intercourse. It also helps if you are on top so you can be in control of the speed and depth of the penetration.
Breast feeding also changes your hormones so you may find that you do not lubricate well. Feelings of anxiety also affect arousal and it would be worthwhile using a good lubricant.
I always advise my patients to "Keep in Touch”. This means using cuddling, massage and caressing as a means of being intimate. Outercourse as opposed to intercourse. Making love should include the whole body, not just the genitals! The hand job, blow job or simply rubbing his penis between your breasts will excite him and take the pressure off penetration.
As a new mother, you are tired, stressed and very preoccupied with the baby. Husbands often feel neglected and resentful that they are no longer the major focus of your life.
Try to arrange some quality time for the two of you to just communicate, share and relate. If he is turned on and you are exhausted, compromise by having a quickie or satisfy him in other ways. Tell him how important he is and get his help with the baby and some household chores. Explain to him that if he helps, you will have more time for him.
Make sure you are looking after yourself. Eat a balanced diet, drink enough fluids and getting enough sleep. These are all important to your well being. Getting back into shape will also improve your libido.
Using an adequate contraceptive is also an important factor right now. Fear of another pregnancy so soon also kills desire.
If you still are experiencing problems after trying these practical measures, go and discuss this with your doctor. Post partum depression, iron deficiency and hormone imbalances could be contributing factors and all have simple solutions.